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If you’re from our generation there was probably a point when you were about five or six when you owned a pair of velcro trainers that had a panel of lights in the sole that lit up when you walked.

Now you’re in your mid-twenties and what do your trainers look like? That’s right, they probably look like a pair of plimsolls stolen from an extra in Kes.

How is that progress?

How is it that at six years old were you cool enough to pull off a pair of velcro trainers with a hologram on the strap and lights in the sole, and yet now in your early twenties, when you’re supposedly at the height of your coolness, you wear a pair of shoes that are in many respects less advanced than Jesus’ sandals.

When did our priorities become so muddled?

Did no else look down at their LA Gear when they were six years old, with the lights in the sole and the hologram on the strap, and wonder what kind of genius trainer they’d be wearing when they were 14, let alone 24?

Well I bloody did.

And these boring, floppy, over-priced cotton, 1930’s gym shoes that can barely handle the bus ride home in their box before disintegrating weren’t exactly what I had in mind.

Of course LA Gear has its modern equivalent, something that ultimately may even be cooler: Heelys.

The shoe with wheels in the heel.

Frankly, if the first time you saw a child glide past you on the pavement in a pair of Heelys and you didn’t think, “I wish it was okay for adults to wear those,” then, basically, we’re very different people.

It’s imperative someone somewhere makes a pair of shoes for adults with wheels in the heel and lights in the sole so we can sort this mess out. I don’t care if we have to pretend to be wearing them ironically, we just need to wear them.

Please, this is important, because right now, we’re going backwards.

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